


queen

by loyaulte_me_lie



Category: Red White & Royal Blue - Casey McQuiston
Genre: Crack, Demon Summoning, Gen, Humor, Supernatural Elements, This is absolutely ridiculous
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-04
Updated: 2019-10-04
Packaged: 2020-11-23 21:01:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20896049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loyaulte_me_lie/pseuds/loyaulte_me_lie
Summary: In which Nora accidentally summons and agrees to marry a chaos demon. Because...life is for getting into ridiculous situations?





	queen

**Author's Note:**

  * For [narcissacronin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/narcissacronin/gifts).

> I am so sorry @insomnia_sketch, my brain spat this total crack nonsense out and I couldn’t resist. Probably inspired by thinking about Good Omens too much, and meeting an awesome Halloween-obsessed person who took me for my first bubble tea. I'm going to stop justifying it now. Enjoy.
> 
> (p.s. it's about Nora because of your Tumblr handle :D)

Three Geniuses and Alex

15th July 2021

11:59 PM

**irl chaos demon**

dudes

**irl chaos demon**

opinions

**irl chaos demon**

seances

**irl chaos demon**

go

**HRH Prince Dickhead ** **💩**

do you really want to risk running into one of my ancestors in the spirit realm?

**HRH Prince Dickhead ** **💩**

I really rather prefer them on the other side of the veil

**ultimate disaster bi**

question?

**ultimate disaster bi**

can you give a ghost an aneurysm?

**ultimate disaster bi**

because if so we’re doing it

**ultimate disaster bi**

i want to be introduced to good old queen vicky as your bf

**irl chaos demon**

FUCK YES

**ultimate disaster bi**

i volunteer buckingham palace as tribute

**ultimate disaster bi**

bet it’s haunted as fuck

**HRH Prince Dickhead ** **💩**

You would be right about that.

**BUG**

What crystals do we need & where’s Pez?

**ultimate disaster bi**

u don’t need crystals for a séance

**BUG**

You’ll be thanking me if we do summon anything nasty

**irl chaos demon**

Pez is in my apartment watering my plants and wearing less clothes than he should be

[image attached]

**BUG**

Yum

**ultimate disaster bi**

I DID NOT NEED TO SEE THAT

**HRH Prince Dickhead ** **💩**

Get used to the view honey, drunk Pez does not like clothes

**BUG**

Amen to that.

**

They finally get their chance one early August night after a garden party, sneaking up to a dusty old parlour with several bottles of wine and half a cake Henry’s favourite cook saved for them. Nora has all the séance stuff in her hessian bag and both her lovers’ hands in hers. They swing her between them like a kid as they make their way down a long corridor with a shiny floor and glittering chandeliers at perfectly spaced intervals. There are so many fucking chandeliers in this place. Nora doesn’t think she’ll ever get used to it, no matter how many times she visits with Henry and Alex.

“This used to be where Henry would hide when we were kids,” Bea says, following behind them all like the mother hen she is. She’s still wearing a bright orange cocktail dress and is somehow swaddled in an enormous purple blanket that Nora doesn’t remember her picking up, but Bea is full of all kinds of surprises. “Took me ages to work out where he’d gone whenever they left us alone.”

“You’d want to hide if all of Phillip’s mates tried to force you into practising fencing with them,” Henry calls over his shoulder.

“Some of them were frightful little bullies, weren’t they?” Bea agrees.

“Still are,” Pez says. “Had to stage a daring escape from them at Henley last weekend.”

“Were there explosions?” Nora hums, enjoying the skid of the marble tiles against her socked feet. She’d given up on her heels as soon as she could after dinner. They’re fine, she likes a high heel just as much as the next girl, but socks are so much more comfortable for summoning ghosts.

“Only of the verbal kind.”

“You disappoint me, babe.”

Pez leans in and smacks a loud kiss against her temple. “I’ll just have to make it up to you.”

“No foreplay where the rest of us can see you!” Alex says as they all come into the room. Henry is pulling the long, burgundy drapes closed against the sticky, August night. The darkening sky is full of sullen, bruised-fruit clouds. Nora shivers against the feel of the storm. Lightning weather is the _best. _

“Like you can talk,” June says to Alex, curling elegantly down on the Persian rug. She starts pulling handfuls of rough black and glowing tawny crystals out of her pockets, arranging them in a circle. “What else do we need to do?”

“Yeah, chaos demon,” Alex flings himself down next to his sister. “Let’s get this show on the road.”

“Well, I need to get the Ouija board set up, maybe we should light some candles?”

“We got lanterns,” Henry settles himself onto his knees, . “Less likely to burn the place down if something happens.”

“Damnit! You ruined my evil plan, babe,” Alex says, nudging a shoulder against Henry’s. Henry huffs a laugh and reaches for the bag, sets up a couple of fancy-looking old lanterns on the coffee tables. Nora settles herself in-between June and Pez, and lays out the board on the rug. It’s a super old looking one she found poking around her parents’ attic a while back, and the wood is silk-like under the pads of her thumbs. Outside there is a low growl of thunder.

“Ooooh, spooky,” Pez whispers, his breath brushing against the side of her neck. She flaps a hand in his direction, and he laughs.

“Right,” Nora says. “Unbroken circle, chaps, lets find ourselves some ghosts!”

They all huddle in around the board, knees touching, the lamplight flickering like a dance. An excited chill shivers over Nora’s shoulders, and she glances around at the half-shadowed faces of all her best beloved: Alex grinning like a devil, Henry half unsure half amused, June and Bea serious, Pez as though only the atmosphere is keeping him from erupting into giggles at the farce of it all. She ran some of the numbers during the garden party whilst talking to some of the members of the Royal Academy of Science – anything to keep her brain occupied, wow – and there’s probably a 0.1% chance they’ll actually succeed, but you know. Probabilities are made to be proven wrong. They’re just numbers, chances. That’s the beauty of them.

“Spirits of the past, we summon you to our circle,” Nora says. Then, “come on guys, with me. And put your fingers on the pointer. There we fucking _go, _let’s hit it.”

They start the chant again. Nothing happens for a good six repetitions like Nora expected, but then something starts prickling the back of her neck, icy, a spider crawling right down the indent of her spine. The room suddenly feels too small. Thunder groans again, and the steady patter of rain on the roof begins.

“Do you feel that?” Alex whispers, locking eyes with her across the circle.

“Is anyone there?” Nora asks the room at large. Pez’s knee digs into hers. The pointer begins to move under her fingers, sliding towards the YES on the board.

“Guys, who’s moving that?” June’s voice is shaking a little bit, and Nora puts her free hand on June’s knee. June’s fingers lock around hers.

“No-one,” Henry says, “as far as I can tell.”

“The spirit!” Nora does a little shimmy. Her heart is a hammer against her ribs. Sure it’s kind of scary, but all the best sort of fun is. “What’s your name?”

There’s a strange, slow, creaking sound coming from behind Henry, but nothing there, unless they’re hiding behind the curtains. The pointer starts to move again, and their bodies sway with it. Fucking _hell,_ Nora can’t actually believe it’s _working_. **M-O-R-T-I-M-E-R**, it spells out.

“Aw, damn, I hoped you’d be Queen Victoria,” Alex says, and sounds so disappointed that Henry laughs.

“Alex, be polite,” June hisses.

“Pleasure to meet you, Mortimer,” Bea speaks up. “Are you a ghost?”

The pointer moves to no. There’s another creak. Pez shifts a little bit closer. It’s totally fine, Nora thinks, supernatural or no supernatural – they’re in fucking Buckingham Palace, Amy and Cash are hanging out just downstairs, and several PPOs saw them disappear into the stairwell up here. Plenty of people with guns within screaming distance. Not that guns will have any effect on the undead, but the thought is somewhat reassuring.

“A devil?” Nora asks.

Still no.

“A _chaos demon_?” Alex’s voice is utterly gleeful, and the pointer scrapes to the yes side. “No way! You and Nora can be buddies! She’s one too.”

**R-E-A-L-L-Y-?**

“Like, sure,” Nora says. “That’s what they call me.”

**W-H-Y-?**

“Thought we were meant to be the ones asking questions,” June murmurs, her fingers tightening on Nora’s.

“Nah, it’s chill. I’d be curious too,” Nora says. “I’m a chaos demon because I got into the Pentagon’s systems and turned all of their cursors into little Pac-Man.”

“Oh my god,” Bea leans into the circle a little. “You didn’t!”

“She did,” Alex confirms. “Chaotic good, that’s Nora for you.”

The pointer is scraping again, so they all look down.

**M-A-R-R-Y-M-E**

“Uh?”

“What?”

“It’s still moving, give him a moment.”

“How do you know Mortimer’s a he? Don’t force your gender-normative pronouns on them.”

**A-L-E-X-A-N-D-E-R I-S R-I-G-H-T** the board spells out. Nora’s heart is thumping high in her throat, just like it does when she’s tripping on acid. Her eyes are glued to board. **I A-M N-O M-A-N. N-O-R-A H-O-L-L-E-R-A-N W-I-L-L Y-O-U B-E M-Y Q-U-E-E-N-?**

When she looks up, everyone is staring at her with expressions ranging from bafflement to horror. Pez has squished himself even closer. Lightning rips through the crack in the curtains, and in the flash, they see a faint mirage of a tall, dark blue creature standing in the middle of their circle, but it’s gone before Nora can make out much more. A boom of thunder.

“I mean,” she says, clearing her throat, “um, I’m flattered, pal, really am, but I kind of like my life right now, you know? And I’ve known you, what, five minutes?”

**Y-O-U M-A-Y S-T-A-Y H-E-R-E W-H-I-L-S-T Y-O-U L-I-V-E** Mortimer spells out carefully. **T-H-E H-U-M-A-N W-O-R-L-D N-E-E-D-S I-T-S C-H-A-O-S A-N-D I C-A-N W-A-I-T F-O-R M-Y Q-U-E-E-N.**

“And I won’t die, like, early? I’ll have a nice, long life, yeah?”

**W-H-A-T I-S A H-U-N-D-R-E-D Y-E-A-R-S T-O M-E ?**

“I mean, point,” Pez says. “You’re immortal, aren’t you?”

**F-O-R O-U-R P-U-R-P-O-S-E-S, Y-E-S.**

“Okay, then,” Nora blurts. “Sure. I’ll be your queen. As long as you know, I get to live out the rest of my human life with these dorks, and you’re not an abusive twat, then sounds like fun. And maybe you could come hang out sometime so I could actually get to know you?”

“Ha!” Alex fist-pumps, and there is the sound of eerie laughter rolling off the walls in waves. “You’re my fucking hero, Nora.”

“Are you _sure_?” June is giving her a wide-eyed, awed and worried look. Oh June. Nora raises their clasped hands to her mouth.

“Yeah, of course. You guys can be my undead court. It’ll be a blast, won’t it Mortimer?”

**W-H-A-T-E-V-E-R M-Y L-A-D-Y P-L-E-A-S-E-S.**

“See, June? We get to be all ghostly together. Ooh, okay, Mortimer, sorry, we’re watching.”

**M-Y D-U-T-I-E-S C-A-L-L**, is all they spell, and there is a curl of flame forming in the middle of the air above the Ouija board. Bea shrieks and goes to put it out, but Henry grabs her hand.

“Look,” he says. The flame is slowly curling into a scribbly approximation of a dragon in flight, and then cools with a clunk into a solid substance that glows, iridescent and veined with gold, in the lamplight. Nora picks it up; it weighs nearly nothing, is warm against her palm. There are two, tiny bright-green stones as the eyes.

**F-A-R-E-W-E-L-L** Mortimer spells in fire in the air, and then there’s a pop like a bubble deflating, another deafening crash of thunder, and then utter stillness. They sit and _stare _at each other, and then Alex breaks the silence by dissolving into hysterical giggles, collapsing onto Henry’s shoulder, which of course sets everyone off.

“Did someone spike my fucking tea?” Bea asks, wiping her streaming eyes. “Did that really happen? Did Nora just agree to become the queen of the underworld?”

“Depends if Mortimer is the king,” Henry points out, stroking a still-incoherent Alex’s back. “You could have just bound yourself to some low-level lackey, Nora.”

“83% probability that _isn’t _the case,” Nora says, holding up the beautiful dragon. “I think I’m gonna make this into a clip and be really mysterious about where I got it from. It doesn’t look human, does it?”

“Nope,” Pez holds out his hand for it, and Nora drops it in, lets him turn it over and over. She still feels kind of mostly high. “Definitely faerie-made.”

“What haven’t you told us?” June demands.

“About faeries? Oh, I’m a changeling, according to my old Nanny. Had I not told you that? I thought everyone knew.”

“That explains why you’re so fucking good at everything_,_” Bea says, leaning up to blow out the lanterns. “Dammit. Anyone else got any supernatural revelations they’d like to share…nope. Good. Okay. I’m pretty knackered so I’m gonna go to bed.”

“Yeah,” Nora yawns. “Okay. We’ll pack up the board. Alex stop fucking laughing.”

“I _can’t,_” Alex wheezes, and then starts coughing.

“You’re a fucking _mess._”

“Come on, babe,” Henry says, pulling him gently to his feet and mock-sketching a courtly bow in Nora’s direction. “Night Queen Chaos Demon and consorts.”

“Night, my loyal subject,” Nora says airily, and Henry, a still-coughing Alex, and Bea all make their departures.

Nora, Pez, and June look at each other for a moment, and then June reaches out to touch Nora’s face.

“You’re ok with this?” Nora blurts, after a moment, words awkward and clumsy. God, she hates the inscrutable look on June’s face. Most of the time she’s an open book, easy and warm, tells you when she’s pissed off and forgives easily. “It was a spur of the moment decision, I, yeah…”

“Darling,” June says, stepping closer and wrapping her other arm around Nora’s waist. Her hand is cool, but her fingers are fireworks, all fizzing and popping against Nora’s skin. “Of course it is. It doesn’t change anything. We’ll all be dead anyway, so who’s gonna complain?”

“It’s fucking hilarious,” Pez adds, smushing into the hug from the other side so Nora feels all small and protected and loved, cuddled up in their arms. “What other couple get to be with someone even a fucking _chaos demon _wants? How cool is that?”

“You just like to be special.”

“Excuse you, I'm very special.”

Nora nestles her face into the crook of June’s neck, hums against her skin. Pez kisses the top of her head.

“I wonder what sex with a chaos demon is like,” Pez muses all of a sudden. “Do you reckon they take humanoid form or…”

“Give us ninety years and I’ll report back,” Nora says. “You’ll all be my little ghost buddies, trolling around the underworld and being fucking fabulous.”

“Something to look forward to,” June replies, dry. Nora lifts her head and kisses June, right on the mouth.

“Come on,” she says. “I know something that won’t have to wait ninety years.”

**Author's Note:**

> Scream at me on Tumblr: @if-fortunate


End file.
